Bullish: How to Make Money as an Artsy-Artist Commie Pinko Weirdo, Part I

By Contributor Jen Dziura 

This article originally appeared on TheGloss.

Have you ever read a “How to Get Ahead in Your Field in 90 Days or Less Using Negotiating Techniques/Mind Control/Fairy Dust” article or book and just sort of let the advice glance off, assuming that it doesn’t really apply to you because you don’t wear a suit and look like a businesslady stock photo?

I live on Wall Street, and once walked up out of the subway to see a movie being filmed on Wall Street. It was a Saturday, and all the besuited people were actors. It looked just like … well, a movie. Because everyone was very young and attractive, and also carrying briefcases — rich, shiny leather, or gleaming chrome. Briefcases. No one does that. Not even on Wall Street. This was some Platonic ideal of Wall Street, minus all the grumpy older men with bad skin and frowzy trenchcoats who try to cut the line at Starbucks.

Are you are imagining “business” exclusively the way it is portrayed in the movies, or — even better — the movies of your formative years? Like Wall Street or Boiler Room or even What Women Want (gross when it came out, and even grosser now, Mel Gibson). I have found myself doing this. For instance, certainly you’ve heard the advice to make friends with gatekeepers, to always be nice to the receptionist. It’s easy to see myself doing this on Mad Men. She has a beehive and a prim little suit and would like it if you sent flowers. But in real life, the person at the front desk is almost certainly a 23 year old who is always on Facebook. She is wearing leggings. So, yes, that is the person you are supposed to be nice to. (For the record, if I made less than $15 an hour, I would wear leggings too, just to stay sane.)

Read the rest at TheGloss.

Jennifer Dziura (jenniferdziura.com) writes career and life coaching advice for young women at TheGrindstone and TheGloss. She believes you can make money without being a douchebag. She believes in working harder and smarter now so you can have "balance" when you're wrinkly and covered in diamonds. She believes in starting businesses on zero dollars, selling expensive things to rich people, and laughing very hard at people who try to "manifest their dreams" without learning any real skills or shaping the fuck up. She likes to help. Jennifer also performs (sort of) educational one-woman shows about philosophy and punctuation. Her "The History of Women in 30 Minutes" is appearing in the Women in Comedy Festival.