Gluten

By WICF Contributor Alison Royer.

Are you familiar with Gluten? This is typically the first question I ask people when they want to know what it’s like to live in LA. Gluten is a mysterious substance that anorexic women everywhere are crazy about. No one knows what it is yet thin women contend it’s in everything making it easier for them to refuse all forms of food. Brilliant. What’s more, they don’t merely claim that it’s bad for you. They assert that upon eating supposed Gluten, they suffer a severe allergic reaction. When prodded about the symptoms of this alleged allergy, most women will tell you that it, “makes their belly hurt.”

Now, I’m not a doctor, but I have a cousin with a shellfish allergy and once, after eating half a shrimp, that kid shit his brains out, yakked everywhere and had to be rushed to the hospital. I highly doubt that leggy blonde women are carrying EpiPens around in case they have a run-in with a piece of pizza.

Furthermore, there seems to be a new trend sweeping the nation in which skeletal women refuse dairy. All the waifish women in Hollywood have banded together and declared dairy an absolute no-no. Really ladies? You’ve decided that an ENTIRE FOOD GROUP just isn’t cutting it for you? I’m sure the Got Milk campaign isn’t real thrilled with your antics.

No but seriously, what the fuck is Gluten? You could contend that this is all a ruse by a chubby, Midwestern girl to get her finger on the pulse of a dietary breakthrough but at the end of the day I just want to know what it is! Is it bigger than a breadbox? Can I not say the word bread around you because of your life-threatening allergy?

In an unprecedented move, I’m proclaiming that Gluten doesn’t exist and I’m no longer going to tolerate its terrorist threats. From what I understand it can be found in pasta, cake, cookies and all forms of sandwiches. If I could get my pudgy little hands on this purported Gluten I would…and then I would eat the shit out of it.

Alison Royer is an LA-based comedian, and WICF contributor!
-This post has been cross-posted with Alison's blog, "This Is Going To Work."

Witty Banter: Rachel Dratch interviewing Amy Poehler

The first in the "Witty Banter" blog series by Sheila Moeschen

This month’s BUST magazine’s cover girl is comic virtuoso and New England native Amy Poehler.  In an inspired and pretty damn funny interview with friend and former SNL-copal, Rachel Dratch, Poehler shares an interesting insight regarding the thread-worn “work/life balance” issue.  In response to Dratch’s question about her best and least favorite parts of motherhood, Poehler responds:

“My least favorite part is when women ask me how I do it. Recently a person was asking me about my schedule and, like, working mothers everywhere…and was like ‘Oh my God, How do you do it?’ And I realized that really means ‘How could you do it?’ Isn’t that interesting? I was like, ‘I want to punch you fucking right in the mouth.’ (both laugh)."

Poehler’s response poses some interesting questions: Do women involved in the comedic arts have to make different lifestyle/personal relationship choices than women working in other fields? Given that the performing arts often require erratic hours along with tiny bits of your soul now and again, how does this impact the working comedienne when it comes to family and relationships?  Are women in the comedic arts held to different standards or do they receive different treatment for their lifestyle choices? Have you every experienced a situation similar to Amy Poehler's, and did you wish she were there to get your back in the all out girl fight that ensued? Discuss.



Amy Poehler has been making the interview rounds as of late, so below is more of the delightful Ms. Poehler, again being interviewed by a fellow comic. Enjoy!

Amy Poehler on Jimmy Kimmel Live, talking about her baby, her husband, and Parks and Recreation

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Woman in comedy Sheila Moeschen has a PhD in Theatre & Drama from Northwestern University with a Minor in Gender Studies. She puts theory into practice as an improv and sketch comedienne in Boston, MA.